I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
