You can't special order awesome
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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