You work out of a Hotel?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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