oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
