i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
