I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
