Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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