yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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