just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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