one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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