just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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