He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
