he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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