at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
