is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
