uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
