oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
