jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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