its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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