The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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