flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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