I hate your face
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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