problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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