don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
