Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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