508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
