if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
