Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
