shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
