she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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