pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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