I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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