I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
They took my balls.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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