remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
