some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize