i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
