I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize