my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
