While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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