Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
