Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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