The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
