Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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