I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
