How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
