i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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