in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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