I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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