I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
