you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
