cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
