My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
