it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
