whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
