Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
