her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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