Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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