Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
