the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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