he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize