This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
