So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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