3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
