You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
