after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
