Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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