I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
