Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
