Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
