kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
