THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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