2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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