i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
